I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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