So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
