We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
