I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
