Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
