I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
