I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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