one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
