pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
