Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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