It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
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You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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