I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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