Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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