Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
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