If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
