If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
