God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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