The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
