we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
