why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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