Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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