U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
