sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
