Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
