So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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