and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
