would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
