low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
