I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
