How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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