Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize