You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
