We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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