Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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