im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Randomize