I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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