I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
