There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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