She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
