Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
