Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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