I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
