Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
