My friends, they love my intelligence
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You took a bar mat shot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize