I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
