they said they heard you say put it in my butt
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My bed smells like the plague
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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