Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
