dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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