dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
