names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
