hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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