Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
