We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You took a bar mat shot.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
