We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Floor bacon is actually really good
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize