ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having hate sex.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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