he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
