I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
