I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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