You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
