someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
