How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
