____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
