I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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