I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
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Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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