worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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