Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
