don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
