I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
