She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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