So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize