you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
