happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
