My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
