You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
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sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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